Balanced Challenge: Day 11: A Few Important Thoughts that Will Transform Your Schedule

In today's challenge, Tricia talks about different issues you can consider and ponder that can alter your schedule, and hopefully make your life more enjoyable and your work more effective! I really liked the suggestions she gave. Here are where my thoughts took me:

1. Take time to ponder where you’re falling short.
At the moment, I'm not having any trouble tackling my housework. There might be a few on-going tasks that get left to the end of my to-do list, but these are usually "I'll do these when I get to them" tasks like cleaning the windowsills or washing our chair-covers, not essential tasks like laundry or cooking. I think I'm doing pretty well in this area of my life.
However, I do find myself getting too wrapped up in housework (even non-essential housework) and pushing my writing to the side. When I was battling morning sickness, I allowed myself to do this, as I just couldn't focus on anything non-essential, but now that my health is a lot better, I'd like to make more of an effort with my writing. I think I need to schedule time each day for writing, and I'm trying to set aside 3-4pm each day for this.
I also need to be more effective with my editing work for The Christian Manifesto. I used to schedule an hour for this as well (at different points in my life this has been at different times: when I was a student, I used to answer emails, etc, between 8-9am, and when we graduated I moved this to directly after lunch, 1-2pm). I need to pick an hour that suits me and stick to it, rather than getting distracted by emails later in the day when I should be writing.

2. Take time to build teamwork in your family.
I'm learning to accept that even if I am a housewife, that doesn't mean that I need to do all the housework. There are some things Simon has always done, like emptying bins, but I'm learning to ask for help in other areas on the occasions where I'm too tired or nauseas to do something. And also to delegate tasks that I just can't manage any more; bending over to sweep the kitchen floor is getting uncomfortable. I need to remember that asking for help doesn't mean that I'm failing in my role as a housewife.

3. Take time to prioritize.
This is definitely something I've been working on a lot lately. Yesterday I even highlighted several items on my to-do list that I know I really want to achieve this weekend, which means the rest can wait until Monday. Prioritising makes life so much more manageable and lists seem a lot less overwhelming. 

4. Take time to praise.
There's always something to praise God for and be thankful for, even if you're having a bad day. Even just starting your prayers by thanking God for one, small thing can make such a difference. 

Right now, I'm thankful that Tricia took the time out of her busy life to write Balanced. I've been really blessed by this book, and I think I read it at the perfect time in my life. I'm sure I'll gain even more wisdom if I come back to read it when I our little one arrives and I'm balancing even more. 

I truly appreciated the concluding chapter of Balanced. Tricia writes:

"Balance isn't the ultimate goal. A quest for balance leads to frustration and exhaustion. I never have a day when I achieve the perfect balance of work, family, God, and friends. It's impossible. There are always interruptions. If we are working with real-life people, we cannot schedule our time as if we were simply sitting at the computer all day."

Honestly, I think I need to write those words on a sheet of paper and stick it to my desk. Balance doesn't mean perfection, and I'd hate to ever view my husband or children as interrupting my life. If anything, they are welcome interruptions. I feel truly blessed that I can work from home, even if it means I don't have a traditional 9-5 schedule. In fact, on nice days like today, being able to leave my desk to hang up the washing outside is definitely a nice distraction, because I get to enjoy the wonderful weather ;) And I definitely don't feel left out because I don't have to put on a suit and sit on a crowded bus for half an hour every morning! 

If you're a work-at-home mum, or you're thinking about becoming one, I definitely recommend Balanced. As a writer, I particularly appreciated Tricia's advice on that topic, and reading this book has encouraged me to get stuck back into my writing after several months of pushing it to the side. I might not have the perfect, efficient schedule for approaching my writing, but I'm determined to try.

This post is part of the Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer—and you can join, too!

Balanced Challenge: Day 9: How to Find Inspiration

Chapter 9 of Balanced started out with a quote that definitely spoke right to my heart:

"Most of all we just need permission. Permission to slow down. Permission to discover our deepest purpose. And permission to follow God-breathed dreams even when we still have kids at home."

I think a lot of work-at-home parents must be struck with conflicting feelings over whether to follow their dreams (even just for fifteen minutes) rather than tending to household chores or devoting themselves wholeheartedly to their kids. Does it make me a terrible wife or mother if I choose to write for an hour rather than tackling the ironing pile? 

I imagine that this conflict will get stronger when we have a little one in the house. In fact, having seen how friends with babies and small children are getting on with their lives, it seems like life is more challenging with a child who is toddling around, attempting to walk, and climbing or reaching into awkward places every time your back is turned. At least a newborn sleeps a lot and can't go very far, right? ;) 

In the midst of housework and raising children, it can be hard to find inspiration. Tricia shares the ways in which she opens herself up to receiving inspiration on a daily basis on her blog today. It made me think about how ideas come to me, and I'm not sure if I'm quite so intentional about making myself ready to find inspiration. Maybe it's because I'm not battling several small children to get to my desk and write, but at the moment, I tend to have ideas come to me quite easily. 

In particular, over the last couple of months, I've often woken up with ideas in my head--not just snippets, but often rough storylines and distinct characters. I haven't had this happen quite so much recently, but it was a great encouragement to me in the days when I was battling morning sickness and barely felt up to washing the dishes, let alone sitting down to write. When I did feel up to being creative, but only had a few minutes at my disposal, I would type up these ideas that had come to me in the waking hours. I'm not sure where I'm going to go with these ideas (currently sitting in a OneNote notebook provisionally and horribly titled: The Princess and the Security Guard, Professing Love, Rockstar Roommate & The Other Boy Next Door) but they're there when I'm ready for them. Sometimes I do end coming back to ideas years after I first scribble them down. Just the other day I found my original, paper notes for the novel I'm currently editing. Although it's changed a lot since I first came up with the idea in 2009, the original setting and some of the characters are still the same.

Two nuggets of wisdom particularly stuck out to me from today's challenge. First: dedicate your writing to the the Lord each day in prayer. Second: Write something, every day. Even if it's a scribbled idea on a post-it or a single paragraph of your current work-in-progress, just write something.

This post is part of the Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer—and you can join, too!

Balanced Challenge: Day 5: Balancing Your Calendar

Some parts of Balanced have been challenging, forcing me to rethink the way I'm approaching a certain situation or topic. Others, like today's chapter, are encouraging and make me think, "Huh, I'm already dealing with this quite well." 

I'm not the kind of person who schedules every minute detail of my life on a calendar, as I've already revealed. But that doesn't mean that I fall prey to accidentally overscheduling myself either, and I'm thankful for my mum's lessons in this. I don't follow my parents' examples in everything, but one life lesson that my mum did teach me (perhaps even unintentionally) was that it's okay to say "No" to opportunities, even if it is something that you like the sound or know will benefit someone. I remember a point in my childhood when my mum was doing a lot of things--working full-time, helping me and my brother with our homework in the evenings, shouldering a large part of the housework and volunteering at church, among many other things. She hit her breaking point, and I remember her making a big deal about learning how to say "No" in the future to stop herself getting over-stretched.

Tricia's challenge for today was to go through my schedule and split items into those I need to do (housework, grocery shopping), those I should do (attend church, spend time with extended family), those I want to do (write, work for TCM) and those I feel obligated to do. The last category is namely for things I do because I feel guilty if I don't do them, or I do them because they make me or my family look better. And thankfully, I couldn't think of a lot to put in there. I could think of a few times I've been given the chance to volunteer in a certain area at church, but I've turned these opportunities down because I know that I'm already serving in other areas that are better suited to my skills and time. I've already experienced how horrible it can be to be so over-stretched in volunteering at church that you don't even look forward to attending any more, and as such, I've made a consistent effort to not get into that situation again. 

Tricia also suggested cutting down on items in the third category (things I want to do) if you're feeling overwhelmed, and this is something I've already been examining in advance of our baby coming this summer. Right now, I'm able to mostly cope with writing, working for TCM, writing reviews and serving at church. But when summer comes, it'll take me a while to get back into my usual patterns, and there might be some things I have to set aside for a season. I have to be picky about what I really want to commit to. For now, I've decided that writing is my top priority, and the one thing I want to definitely get back to once we're settled in with our baby. As such, I'm already training a couple of the writers from TCM up to cover a few tasks around the website. Even if it's something small like updating our social media pages or uploading reviews, it takes some burdens off my day. I've also not committed to writing any reviews or serving at church past the end of June. That's something I'll have to reassess nearer the time. 

I'm not perfect. There are times when I'm sure I overcommit--I volunteer to cook or bake for a certain event when our week is already busy or it's near the end of the month and our food budget is already stretched. I consider signing up to something at church that needs extra helpers because I know I can do it--but do I really want to do it? I like Tricia's advice that "The first step in figuring out your priorities is cutting out what are not your priorities so you have space for what's important." If something is going to take time away for those things that matter most to me (my husband, my baby or my writing) then perhaps it's time to rethink why it's part of my schedule. 

This post is part of the Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer—and you can join, too!

Balanced Challenge: Day 4: How To Know God’s Call For Your Life

I think it's very easy to question whether or not we're following the right path, especially when things don't go as expected or we meet failure and rejection. As a writer this is definitely something I've experienced, especially because it's not always easy to see concrete evidence of the progress I've made. People in other lines of work might have plaques or awards to signify how far they've come, or even something as simple as a change in job title or extra numbers on their pay check. Me? I've written two full-length novels in two years (as well as some unfinished ones and many, many ideas for potential novels). I've participated in two online editor pitches and submitted one full manuscript and one partial. My full MS was rejected, but with encouragement from the editor, who said she'd be willing to look at another novel in the future. The second response was even better--the editor gave me the chance to edit the chapters and resubmit them. 

This second offer was open-ended. The editor didn't tell me when she wanted to see the edited chapters, just that if I wanted to make changes, she'd give them a second look and let me know if she wanted to read more. This opportunity, which I received back in October, was exciting. I hadn't even finished the entire novel by this point, so I spent the rest of October finishing my rough first draft. I planned to participate in NaNoWriMo in November and work on something entirely new to give me time away from my WIP, then go back to it in December and begin editing.

But things didn't go entirely to plan. By the time December rolled around, I knew that I was pregnant, and morning sickness seriously kicked in. Combined with extreme tiredness and Christmas craziness, I didn't get a lot done in December. My morning sickness only seemed to get worse as we moved into the new year, and it's only now that I'm actually feeling like I have the energy and concentration to get stuck back into editing. I don't want to submit a shoddy second draft to this editor, so I know it needs some serious attention before it's ready for her to see. It's also the first time I've been asked to submit edits, and I want to make sure I do it right.

Still, I have found myself doubting what I'm doing. Can I really call myself a writer if I'm barely writing anything? Is this really what I'm meant to be doing with my life if I'm struggling with it? Am I a bad writer if I'm considering setting my writing aside for a time while I cope with pregnancy ailments and a new baby? If writing is what God has called me to do, am I failing at my calling right now? 

Chapter 4 of Balanced definitely had some encouragement for me. If anyone knows the stresses of balancing motherhood and writing, it's Tricia Goyer, so I appreciated her words on this topic. Especially the encouragement that: "God has a plan for both aspects of our lives! The trick is balancing them--not being overwhelmed but trusting God for the outcome." 

I'm sure I'm not the only person who struggles with trust. Right now, I'm trying to trust that I will be able to balance writing and being a mother, and that I won't neglect either part of my life. I know that, when it comes down to it, I can set aside my writing for a season if I need to--my kids will only be young once, but my books will wait. But still, I trust that this is something I can balance. I trust that writing is something I'm called to do, and that as such, I will see one of my novels through to publication some day. It might be through this current opportunity with this editor, or maybe I'll revise my first novel and submit it elsewhere, or maybe it'll be something entirely different. I don't think God would have placed the gift of writing in my hands and provided me with time to write if it wasn't meant to go somewhere, so I just need to wait and see where it takes me. 

This post is part of the Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer—and you can join, too!

Balanced Challenge: Day 3: How My Family Benefits From My Work

I wrote up my notes from yesterday's chapter last night, but I didn't get the chance to format them into a blog post until today. I guess that's all part of being flexible, right? ;)

When I read the title of Day 3's challenge, I did wonder if I'd be able to come up with something to write. Tricia's blog was entitled How My Little Kids Help Me In My Work, and since my little kid is still in utero, I don't exactly have any examples of how I'm able to do that just yet. I definitely have some ideas of ways in which my kids could be involved in my work, but since I don't have a whole lot of experience in this area, I decided to change today's blog post very slightly. Instead of answering the question of How do you involve your kids in your work?, I'll be talking about how I anticipate my family benefiting from my work at home.

Deciding to work from home definitely wasn't a spontaneous decision, but it was an easy one to make once Simon and I realised that we could afford it. We'd always talked about me being at home once we had children, and not just because it would cut down on childcare costs. My kids might not have my complete and undivided attention when I'm at home if I'm writing or doing housework while they play (and it's probably a good thing that they know they're not the centre of my universe) but I like knowing that I am there if they have a problem or something they want to talk about, and that I can witness their growths and achievements first hand, whether they're taking their first steps or learning to play an instrument. In fact, I kind of feel sad that Simon will be out at work for nine hours a day and might miss out on an exciting development with one of our children!

Besides the obvious fact that I'd be instilling a love of reading and writing in them from a young age, I hadn't really put too much thought into how my chosen career could impact my children until now. Since Tricia is also a writer, she made some great points in the third chapter of Balanced, many of which I could relate to. Here are some points I finally decided upon:

• Through seeing me work on my novels, edit them, submit them to publishers, revise them, and hopefully eventually get them published, my children will see first-hand that it's possible to achieve your dreams--but that you have to work hard to get there. 
• I might not have any immediate plans to interview people as research for my novels as Tricia often does, but my kids will still get to connect with other writers and artists, as well as fellow book-lovers from my work at The Christian Manifesto. My colleague Shondra sent me a lovely card all the way from Indiana, when I told her I was pregnant, and she's taken on some of my usual tasks for TCM to help ease my work load. Even if my kids don't get to meet mummy's "internet friends" in person, they'll definitely know that they have love and support from all over the world!
• In turn, they'll also learn about how hobbies and interests can connect a community of people of all ages and races, all over the world. I might not have any local friends who write Christian Fiction, but I've met plenty online--and this will also open up conversations about internet safety!
• Reading and writing can help us develop compassion and empathy, so not only do I hope that my work makes me more patient and understanding with my children, they'll get to learn equally important lessons through their own reading. Hopefully this will open up some great discussions topics, as well.
• Since my husband has a more typical 9-5 job with an annual salary, while I'm going down the artistic route of following my dreams even if it doesn't make any money right now, we can demonstrate to our kids that following your dreams can look different depending on your skills and interests, and that each of our routes are equally valid options. We can show them that doing something you love is more important than making a lot of money, gaining fame or meeting other people's expectations. 
• And in turn, we can show them that it takes a lot of effort and sacrifice to get to the place of fulfilling your dreams--getting a book published doesn't happen overnight, and because of the career path I've taken, we don't have a second income right now. 
• Hopefully, as my career develops, my kids will have opportunities to go on research trips with me, or at least visit museums and libraries and develop a love and respect for history. 
• We can show our children that mummy and daddy contribute to the family in different but equal ways.

Towards the end of Chapter 3, Tricia writes, "When you spend a lot of time together, kids follow what they see. They also ask questions. A lot of questions." I hope that, through seeing me work and asking me why I'm writing all the time, my kids can learn some valuable life lessons which will eventually enable them to make decisions about their own futures and careers. 

This post is part of the Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer—and you can join, too!

Balanced Challenge: Day 2: How to Make Working from Home Work

While I know some people who would love the chance to work from home every day and spend more time their their family, I also have plenty of friends who look appalled when I talk about working from home. They couldn't concentrate at home, they tell me--there are too many distractions. They need to work in a location where other people are also working, to keep them accountable--an office, or a lab or a library. Or they simply can't handle being at home on their own all day, only seeing other adult human beings when the postman arrives. 

I'm entirely the opposite--I don't get much work done in a busy coffee shop, and I never spent more than a few hours at a time working in the library when I was at university. Unlike my husband, it doesn't take me ages to get into the "zone" of working, and my work isn't drastically altered if I'm interrupted by a distraction. It's not impossible for me to tear myself away from answering emails or writing my novel if something else requires my attention. In fact, while I was writing yesterday's blog post I stopped twice--once to hang laundry up on the washing line (because I knew it needed as much sun as it could get if it were to dry, and couldn't wait!) and again to make myself some lunch, as I've recently learned that hunger pains can quickly turn into nausea if I put off eating for too long. 

That said, I do sort of have a typical 9-5 workday schedule. Simon leaves for work around 8am every morning, and I try to make sure most of my responsibilities are tackled before he gets home around 5pm in the evening. There are some things I know I have to do every day--answering emails, washing dishes, tackling some sort of laundry-related task (washing it, ironing it, putting it away), writing, and making dinner. I tend not to schedule these tasks on a calendar, but I do aim to have dinner ready (or almost) by the time Simon gets home from work. 

Tricia shared her calendar on her blog post today, and I'm afraid that mine isn't quite as full or colourful. In fact, I'm sharing my calendar for the entire month because there just isn't enough on this week to make it look interesting! 

I don't schedule events that are weekly or daily occurrences, like attending church or home group, or going grocery shopping, because I'm not likely to forget them. The things that I do schedule are special or one-off events that Simon and I need to remember, such as having friends over for dinner, serving at church, dentist or midwife appointments and birthdays. 

I do have a constant to-do list sitting on my desk. I've tried different methods of keeping track of my to-do list, including splitting it into tasks for each day, or making it clear which tasks need to be done today, this week or just when I find the time. Neither of these have really worked for me--making daily tasks went out the window when my morning sickness started, as it just made me feel guilty about everything I wasn't getting done, and my daily and weekly tasks often overlapped or became repetitive. Here's what my current to-do list looks like:

Some things are merely reminders (I have an Audible voucher that expires soon), others are small tasks that I don't want to forget to pregnancy brain (requesting a book to review) and the rest are normal, daily tasks.

Today's Challenge

Working home from definitely isn't for everyone (I don't think my husband could drag himself away from fixing a bug to spend 10 minutes pegging up laundry!) but it definitely suits me. In today's chapter of Balanced, Tricia asks, "What are some benefits from working at home that you've experienced?"

• Compared to the last four years that I've spent studying at university, my life has stress and pressure, which has vastly improved both my mental and physical health. There are definitely deadlines to meet and tasks to complete on a regular basis, but the atmosphere of working from home has made a big difference for me. I've struggled with IBS and SAD for several years, and both conditions are aggravated by stress, and my change in working lifestyle has definitely benefited both of these. 
• I've learned to be flexible and deal with change and the unexpected. I don't plan every second of my day, so I can deal with new tasks that pop up and require my attention.
• Having a flexible schedule also means that I can meet up with friends who also work from home or have atypical work lifestyles. I can make space in a morning or afternoon to pop into town and have tea with a friend. 
• And as a result of this, evenings and weekends are freed up for spending time with my husband! That's not to say that we don't meet up with people during these times, but if I can meet up with someone on an afternoon rather than an evening, I will, as it means more time with my husband. Especially with a little one on the way, we value every moment we have together, even if we're just hanging out in the same room reading or watching a film. 
• Not every day is the same, and I appreciate this. I like some continuity, but I'm not sure if I could handle doing the exact same things every day, to a schedule. 
• I'm learning flexible time management, and although I know I do need to improve this (I'm considering scheduling a specific hour into my day to write, as I often neglect this over other responsibilities), I'm mostly happy with my time management. 
• We have a healthier, calmer lifestyle. Essential housework is nearly always dealt with before Simon gets home from work, meaning that we don't spend our evenings cleaning or doing laundry. We have time to relax. While Simon cooks at the weekends, I handle meals during the week, meaning that I have time to cook healthy, balanced meals for us. This is especially important for me, because my IBS is diet-controlled. Yes, we eat frozen pizzas occasionally and hot dogs with onion rings and corn on the cob is one of our favourite quick and easy meals, but I'm grateful that we have the time and money to eat healthily.
• We don't have to worry about additional travel expenses to get me to and from work, and childcare won't cost us a penny, since I'll be at home! 

This post is part of the Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer—and you can join, too!

Balanced Challenge Day 1: Looking Ahead to Tomorrow To Set Goals for Today

I have a confession to make. Although I read a lot of books (29 so far this year) in a variety of formats (paperback, hardback, ebook, audiobook, etc), I'm pretty terrible at actually finishing a non-fiction book. I have at least three non-fiction books on my Currently Reading shelf on my Kindle that I've reached 25% on and then unintentionally abandoned when I got distracted by a novel. I think this may be a side-effect of studying at university for the last four years--I simply cannot read a non-fiction book without taking stopping to take notes, which makes my reading experience last a lot longer than it normally would, were I reading fiction. 

Unless I change my non-fiction reading habits dramatically, I know I'm going to struggle even more when there's a baby in the house. Even so, I've aimed to read at least ten non-fiction books in 2014, and I've already managed to knock four books off that challenge. Balanced: Finding Center as a Work-at-Home Mom by Tricia Goyer will hopefully be book #5 in that list.

When Simon and I learned that I was pregnant in November, I will admit that I began to worry about how I was going to balance all my responsibilities--housework, writing, reviewing, editing, and now a baby. To make matters worse, I pretty much abandoned my writing altogether when my morning sickness kicked it up a notch in early December. We had only told a few people we were pregnant at this point, so whenever anyone asked me how my writing was doing, I lied and told them I was in the editing stages of my current novel. Editing is boring, so no one tends to ask much about it, but I felt guilty--should I really be managing to write and edit novels right now? Or is getting the dishes washed without puking enough of an achievement? 

One of the non-fiction books that I've been dipping in and out of for the last few months is Opening the Door to Your God-Sized Dream, a 40-day devotional by Holley Gerth (see what I mean about procrastinating on non-fiction? This book should have been finished way back in 2013 if it only takes 40 days to read!) One of the devotions that I read in early January was about not having to pursue every opportunity that comes your way and not feeling guilty about saying "No" to certain things. The phrase "You don't have to do it all" popped out at me (one which also appears in the first chapter of Balanced!), and I decided that "Balance" should be my word for 2014. Shortly after reading this devotion, I saw Tricia's new book being advertised, and I had a feeling that now would be the right time to read it. I might not be a mum yet, but it's never too early to start thinking about how I'm going to balance all of my responsibilities.

Since I'm horrible at sticking with a non-fiction book, Tricia's 11-day challenge seemed like the perfect motivation to get me to read this book in a reasonable time-frame.

About the book:
Since Tricia is a stay-at-home mother and writer, I can relate to her journey a lot. (In fact, today I learned that she began her full-time writing career at twenty-two, just like me!) However, a lot of the skills required to balance housework, childcare and writing can be applied to other work-at-home careers. This isn't exclusively a book for writers, but it is a faith-based book, so non-Christians may struggle to relate to some of Tricia's experiences or advice. 

Today's Challenge

In the first chapter of Balanced, Tricia talks about how deciding what we want to achieve as a family can help us to determine what steps to take, and avoid feeling overwhelmed or stressed out by unnecessary responsibilities. By determining principles, values or activities that particularly matter to our family, we can make better decisions by pin-pointing whether a certain opportunity would benefit our family, or stop us from being able to focus on what really matters.

Since we don't have children yet (still 4.5 months to go!), it's difficult to decide exactly what's going to matter to us the most when we have children, but there are some things that Simon and I have long felt are important to us. These might not be things that are important to your family, as every individual and family has different values they put specific emphasis on. 

What do we want to achieve as a family? What will matter five years from now--ten years from now? What will mold our children into God-serving adults? What will bring peace--not stress--to our home?

• Although we don't yet know how we're going to educate our children, we want to be involved in their education. We want to encourage them in the skills and activities that they enjoy, to make learning fun for them, and take advantage of our own skills to help them learn. 
• While we want to encourage our children in their natural talents, we don't want to force them to devote extra time to activities they don't enjoy, even if it is something they're good at. Sometimes it's better to focus on something we really enjoy, even if it's harder for us to grasp.
• We want to make sure our children have time to play, spend time with their family and friends, and generally enjoy being a kid, even if this means only taking one extracurricular activity at a time. We don't want to be a taxi service to our children's activities--and not having a car will probably help us achieve this!
• We want to have breakfast and dinner together as a family every day (excluding special occasions or date night), and encourage conversation and prayer at these meals.
• We want to encourage our children to try new foods, and even revisit ones they've previously thought they didn't like. We want them to be involved in cooking from a young age, to develop adventurous tastes, not be scared to try new foods, and learn that our tastes can change (especially since mum didn't used to like onions at all!)
• We want to involve our children in household tasks early on, providing that they are suitable for that age (no ironing for the three-year-old), and to make them see that this is part of being and serving your family, not a "chore".
• We want to be an active part of our church, although how we are active might change over the years. (Right now Simon and I both help to lead the children's church, and Simon plays guitar in the band while I serve on the hospitality team).
• We want to encourage a love of reading, as well as other methods of storytelling and art forms. We want to read together as a family each night, even when our children are babies. 
• And most importantly: We want to be open to change and unexpected opportunities, and to not be too set in our plans for the future.A year ago, Simon was planning to study for his PhD while I worked as a teacher or a librarian, and we didn't think we'd be starting our family until we were at least 25. Now Simon is working full-time as a software engineer, we're expecting our first child just a month before my 23rd birthday, and I've been able to focus on my writing for the first year post-graduation. Sometimes life takes you on an entirely different route from the one you anticipated! 

Since our post-graduation future ended up being so incredibly different from the one we imagined (but also so much better!) it's hard for me to answer questions like, "Where do we want to be ten years from now?" I try not to set too many concrete plans for the future, but I do know that ten years from now we'll both be around 33. We'd like to have two or three children by this time, and have bought a house. For me, I'd like to have published my first novel. I'm not sure if we'll still be living in Edinburgh, or if Simon will have embraced a different job opportunity that takes us away from this city. For now, we're happy here, but we're not scared of change.

The thing that struck me most about the first chapter of Balanced is that the values that matter to you should influence the direction your family takes; not what values others promote. Sometimes we find ourselves contemplating X or Y because someone in our family or church or workplace is doing X or Y. Will it make us a worse wife/mother/writer if we aren't doing that too? I know that I've missed some online writing pitches or competitions because the timing wasn't write--we were moving house, I had another project to work on, or I was simply too busy puking. But I've also taken advantage of other ones where the timing was better, and those worked out well for me. 

I can't take part in every opportunity that comes my way, and the same goes for our family. Because our family is our top priority, this affects certain activities we take part in or choices we make. Sometimes we say "No" to an invitation to a party, because Simon and I want to have a date night together. Sometimes we say "No" to serving in a certain ministry at church because we already serve in other ways that are more relevant to our giftings. Simon has turned down job interviews for companies that might have a more popular name or better pay because his current job is flexible for someone with a young family, has a reasonable commute, and won't require us to move. While we could afford to buy a house right now, packing, moving and decorating would be too stressful with a baby on the way in a few short months. 

We might have friends who are changing jobs, buying houses, attending writing conferences, starting new ministries, etc, and we wholeheartedly support them--while also being aware that we don't have to do all those things too. As Tricia says in Balanced, "Too often we compare our weaknesses with other people's strengths, only to find ourselves coming up short." A friend might be buying a house or a car, but they're not expecting a baby, or paying off their student loans. X works for them, while Y suits us right now. 

Of course, there is no perfect balance. Today I've managed to tackle a lot of housework and editing responsibilities, but there have been days when I've been too sick to do more than wash the breakfast dishes and order groceries to be delivered. I'm learning more and more (thanks to my pregnancy) that flexibility is sometimes key to finding some sort of peace in my current situation. Balance doesn't necessarily mean making a colour-coded schedule for the day and following it to the letter to ensure that I've spent equal amounts of time on my writing, housework, editing and family. For me, balance means trusting that I'm doing what's right for me and my family at the moment. 

This post is part of the Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer—and you can join, too!

18 Weeks

How far along? 18 weeks & 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: Still 5lbs less than my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm convinced the baby must be eating up all my excess fat as I don't know how it can be getting so big without me gaining weight!
Maternity clothes? I'm still wearing some of my normal tops and skirts, but for jeans I'm entirely sticking to maternity trousers. Dresses are half and half. My winter coat is too tight and my spring jacket only does up partially, so I'm praying for warm weather so I don't have to invest in a maternity jacket.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: Getting better. I had a lot of broken sleep at the start of the week because my bump felt really uncomfortable when I slept on either side, but the baby must have rearranged itself because I'm sleeping better now.
Best moment this week: This week hasn't been amazing as I came down with a virus, but I've been feeling the baby move more, and my bump is definitely getting bigger. Simon came home from work one day, looked at me and said in an amazed voice, "It's huge!" 
Movement: Not consistently, but I'm definitely feeling it at some point each day. It's most obvious when I'm in the bath, or sitting on the same position for long periods of time.
Cravings/Aversions: None this week, but I scrapped a plan to make a soup with chicken thighs that needed to be de-boned as I don't think I can deal with quite that much raw meet right now. Pre-chopped chicken is the way to go when you're feeling nauseas! 
Gender guesses: Simon is pretty much convinced it's a girl, and I was for a while, but occasionally I think it's a boy. We're pretty much settled on names now, so we're happy either way :)
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? Still in
What I miss: Wearing belts around my waist and being able to button shirts up fully. 
What I am looking forward to: Seeing the baby again in two weeks at our ultrasound!
Weekly Wisdom: People will tell you your hair gets more luscious and full when you're pregnant. If you have crazy long hair and live in a windy country, it might just get more knotted. Invest in a de-tangling conditioner!
Milestones: Nothing super major this week, but my coat getting too tight is kind of a big deal, I guess? Also, I can no longer leap back up into standing position whenever I crouch down to pick something off the floor. I feel like an old lady ;)

Making Money vs. Following Your Dreams

My husband has found himself in a unique position for a recent university graduate—he’s doing something he loves and actually getting paid for it. Not only that, but parts of his job directly relate to the subject he wrote about in his dissertation. How many of us can say that?

I guess, technically, I can. I wrote about the development of the Christian Fiction market, and now I’m writing Christian romances. The only difference is that I’m not getting paid for what I do. Yet.

I know that my situation differs greatly from that of many aspiring writers my age. I’m not having to work in a day job I barely tolerate, which has no relation to my field of knowledge, just so I can afford to go home every night and write novels that I desperately hope someone will publish. I’m not applying for unpaid publishing or journalism internships in the hope that it’ll give me an “in” with the industry I hope to write for. I’m not starting another degree in English because at least I’ll be able to work with books in some way or another. I’m genuinely sitting at home each day, bashing out more words on my computer keyboard.

I know that sitting at my desk and writing sounds terribly boring to some people. The idea of being trapped in your home all day, only taking breaks to visit the supermarket or post office, can be terrifying for extroverts or anyone who can’t focus on their home environment.

Credit here.

But, well, that’s what writers do. We sit at our computers and write. Maybe this doesn’t make sense to non-writers, but I am extremely excited that I get to write every single day. I don’t have to squeeze in a few minutes here and there in between my day job or coursework. I actually get to write.

This is not something I expected I would be able to do at the age of twenty-two. I always imagined fitting my writing around my day job, maybe eventually having the chance to devote myself to it full-time if I became a stay-at-home mom and was at home all day.

I didn’t imagine I would get married two months before my twenty-first birthday, and even when Simon and I did get married, I figured that I would work while he studied for a Masters or PhD. It wasn’t until our final year of university, when Simon decided he didn’t want to stay in academia any longer and began applying for jobs that I realised that I had an opportunity I never anticipated. If Simon got a job that could support both of us, I wouldn’t have to work. I could actually follow my dream.

I’m not saying that I married Simon because I knew his Computer Science degree would fund my writing career, or that he’s only in this job so that I can stay at home. We’re in an amazing situation where we’ve only been out of university for three months and we’re both pursuing our dreams—software engineering for Simon, and writing for myself.

We’re not rolling in money, but we’re also not pinching pennies as much as we were at university. I appreciate the little things that have changed, like buying brand-name bagels when they’re not on offer, or having people over for dinner twice in one week without having to seriously examine our budget. We’re paying taxes and making repayments on our student loans, and this excites me! We’re doing what we love, we’re financially stable and we only graduated in June.

I realise that this isn’t everyone’s idea of happiness. We’d rather save up to buy a house than blow our savings on a round-the-world trip, but there are plenty of people who would prefer the opposite scenario. That’s not wrong either—if that’s what you truly want to do. But please respect that our idea of happiness is Simon coming home to a house where all the chores are done, so that we can spend time together every evening.

Some people might prefer working long hours so that they can go on holiday together every few months, even if they have to spend every evening catching up on laundry. I appreciate that every night is date night, that we don’t have to schedule time to see each other. We spent the first year of our marriage writing dissertations and commuting from Anstruther to St Andrews to attend classes, so I love that we can spend every evening together, even if we’re just watching television or playing a board game. I know this won’t last when we have children, so we’re cherishing this time we have together.

We might never buy furniture from anywhere but Ikea and maybe there will always be a few Value products in my shopping trolley, but I don’t mind that if it means we get to do what we love, and be with the people we love.  

Why I Write Romance

Following these two posts on writing romance novels, I decided to share my own experience.

I’ve known since I was six years old that I wanted to be a published author, but in my teenage years I was incredibly vague about the kinds of books I wrote. In retrospect it’s so obvious that my first novel, written when I was fifteen, is a romance, but at the time I murmured comments about writing stories about “real people” with “real problems” and “real life situations”. I’m not sure if I was already aware of a stigma attached to romance novels, and if I was, I don’t know where I picked up on it as I’d never even glanced at the “Romance” rack in the library, always heading straight for the ambiguously named “General Fiction” section. In spite of this, every one of the novels or stories I wrote in my teen years contained a fairly large romantic element.

Although I’d read plenty of novels that contained love stories of some kind—everything from The Princess Diaries to Little Women—it took me a long time to admit that my preferred genre was romance. As my teenage years progressed and I became more aware that I was definitely both a reader and writer of romance novels, I tried even harder to hide this from people. I don’t remember any of my teachers or family making over comments against romance novels, but something must have filtered down to me as I remember making disparaging comments about friends who read “girly books” or claimed Jane Austen was their favourite author. I don’t think I’m ever going to be a die-hard Janeite, but I have developed a bit of a reputation for being an expert on “girly books”. And I’m slowly learning to embrace this identity.

My husband doesn’t read romance novels—besides the ones I write—and I can probably count on one hand the number of books we’ve both read and enjoyed. Off the top of my head, 1984, Eugene Onegin, The Monk and Heart of Darkness are the few books we share similar opinions on. Our taste in books is so different that nearly all of the books I wanted to donate to charity after finishing my degree were the ones he wanted me to keep so he could read. I won’t be getting rid of Gulliver’s Travels any time soon, apparently. Very rarely do we recommend each other a book to read, but he understands why I love the romance genre so much. Simon often asks me about the book I’m reading and we’ll share stories back and forth about why we’re loving or hating our current read.

We do enjoy the same TV shows, and this has allowed me to demonstrate how satisfying a successful romance or love story can be, without forcing him to read a couple of Harlequins. Whether it’s Castle and Beckett from Castle, or Stanley and Mimi in Jericho or Victor and Sierra in Dollhouse, we’re generally both cheering when the hero and heroine finally get together, or shouting at the screen when they miss their chance due to some silly misunderstanding. But that final, satisfying moment when they finally admit their feelings for each other is always worth the wait, and it makes the journey all the more enjoyable.

I’ve heard people say that romance novels are unrealistic because the relationships always work out, and there’s always a happy ending. That escaping into a world where love always prevails is dangerous, because that’s not how it truly is in real life. Honestly? I need escapism. Maybe not all the time, but there are days when I don’t want to read or watch something that won’t end happily. Happy endings don’t always exist in real life, but that’s why we need them in fiction—to give us hope. The constant reminder that love can prevail gives us the push we need to continue being optimistic in our daily lives, and to make it past the hard times.

It’s okay to need to read a book with a happy ending. During the winter months I generally don’t read anything but happy books, as my Seasonal Affective Disorder does not make it terribly easy to read novels where everyone loses their loved ones and the hero is killed on the last page. The month before I got married, I remember borrowing an audiobook from the library and eventually setting it aside because I was feeling discouraged that everyone in the book was in an unhappy marriage. I did eventually finish the book, but at the time I decided I’d be more positive in the stressful weeks before our wedding if I wasn’t listening to stories of miserable relationships.  

For me, reading romance novels is not a guilty pleasure. They help me stay positive during tough times, and they’ve made for some of the most satisfying books I’ve encountered over the past couple of years. If I can write the kind of love story that has the reader cheering (silently or out loud) when the hero and heroine finally get together and keeps a smile on their face after they’ve closed the book, I’ll be equally satisfied. 

A Day in the Life of a Glamorous Full-Time Writer

5am—Woken up by neighbour’s dog as it runs manically up and down the stairs that run behind our bedroom wall. Regret the decision to choose this room to be the master bedroom, but it was the only one with built-wardrobes. Husband is snoring like a train and blissfully unaware of the noise.

7am—Alarm goes off. Hit snooze repeatedly.

7:15am—Alarm goes off again. Tell husband he has five more minutes before he has to get up, and will he please stop pushing me off the bed?

7:20am—Alarm goes off again. Nearly fall out of bed turning it off, then tell husband to get up and have a shower. He tells me that he doesn’t like showers because they make him smell. Eventually convince him to get up. Fall back asleep.

7:35am—Husband returns from shower and asks if I’ll start breakfast. Still half asleep, I tell him I will not.

7:40am—Husband steals the duvet and makes me get out of bed. Notice that he’s wearing different jeans from yesterday and am impressed that he changed them without having to be ordered to. Start breakfast.

7:45am—Remember that it’s recycling day and ask husband to put the recycling bin in front of the house, since I’m still in my nightdress.

7:47am—Husband returns from outside soaking wet. Debate taking the bus to Tesco today, since me and my little trolly will probably get drenched on the mile-long walk from our house. Eat breakfast.

8:10am—Start putting things in my husband’s rucksack because he’ll probably forget them (book, headphones, snacks) and notice that his shirt is covered in mud from the outside of the recycling bin. Make him change.

8:20am—Finally wave husband off to work and settle down to drink tea and check emails. Spend far too long catching up on book groups, writing forums and Twitter. Bookmark an online workshop on writing synopsises and accidentally stumble upon a self-published fan-fiction novel about Anne Elliott from Persuasion becoming a long-distance runner. Ponder how on earth that idea came into being. Scroll through Facebook for thirty second and like two pictures of friends’ babies and then get bored. Hunt for cover art for next week’s reviews on The Christian Manifesto and double-check the schedule to see when my next review needs to be ready. Discover a recipe for Nutella Banana Bread and decide that I definitely need to add chocolate spread to the shopping list.

9:30am—Running out of things to do on the internet, bemoan the weather (which is preventing me from doing any laundry) and have a shower.

9:45am—Get dressed, annoyed that I haven’t ironed any of my long-sleeved shirts since I didn’t think I’d need them in JULY. Go for the layered look instead.

10am—Attempt to load a new audiobook on to Kindle to listen to while doing the dishes. After installing Audible and reinstalling it several times, remember that it has never worked on the family PC and turn on laptop. While waiting for laptop to turn on, put away yesterday’s dishes and fill the sink with water, realising how slow the poor computer is getting. After booting up Audible, realise that the audiobook is already on my Kindle. Hunt for it and find it listed as a newly added file. Confused at whatever magic the faulty program on my PC has done, finally start dishes at 10:15. Notice that two police officers are banging on the door to the next house and wonder what’s going on. Would it make for an interesting story?

10:30am—Brush hair (which has been wrapped in a towel after leaving the shower) and get ready to head to Tesco. Appears to have stopped raining, but will take money for the bus in case get caught in a torrential downpour.

11am—Thankfully make it to Tesco without getting rained on, and only nearly got knocked down once while crossing the road.

11:30am—Having found nearly everything on my list, proceed to spend the next ten minutes looking for rice cakes and hummus. Hint: they’re not where you’d expect them to be. Bright spot: small child excitedly waves his hummus at me and allows me to share in his joy at being allowed to carry the tub around the shop all on his own.

11:45am—Finally leave the supermarket after mistakenly choosing the check-out with the cashier who likes to have a full conversation with everyone around her, but neglects to help the old couple in front of me pack their bags, forcing them to take five minutes to put four items in one carrier bag. At least she’s friendly. Manage to save £7 with coupons, and feel far too excited about this achievement.

12:10pm—Make it home slightly wet, but not too bedraggled. At least the journey back from the supermarket is shorter as it’s all downhill. Put food away, make cup of tea and indulge in rice crackers, hummus and celery sticks for lunch while watching Cougar Town.

12:30pm—Accidentally get sucked into some relationship articles on Pinterest, which inevitably lead to romance-novel bashing because “it’s just porn.” Wonder how these people, presumably Americans from their spelling, have never stumbled across Christian romance novels in their life.

1pm—It’s finally 8am on the East Coast, so I start posting links to TCM’s reviews of the day all over social media, and begin to attack my inbox.

1:35pm—Finish with emails earlier than usual as it’s July and most people are on holiday. Decide to start writing, but get distracted by whale noises from the flat upstairs. Unsure whether the dog is just whining weirdly or if the neighbours really are listening to whale music.

1:45pm—Whale noises finally stop. Begin writing.

2:05pm—Having whacked out 700 words, take a break to make tea. Lady Grey is my tea of choice for the afternoon.

2:10pm—After briefly being sucked back into Twitter, resume writing. Don’t love the scene, but will plough through and EDIT LATER. That’s basically my writing mantra.

2:20pm—Finish scene and take quick break to peruse GoodReads.

2:30pm—Begin writing next scene.

2:55pm—Finish another scene and take a break to eat rice cakes and look at recipes while trying to figure out what direction to head in next. Hero is coming off a little bit like an aloof jerk, so this needs to be fixed ASAP.

3:30pm—Finish up third scene of the day. Word count totals in at 2,800 words, which is not typical for me, but I haven’t had a lot of housework to do today, and we’re having hot dogs for dinner, which does not require a lot of preparation. Save file to computer and Google Drive, just to be safe.

3:40pm—After replying to a couple of emails, tidy living room, put laundry away, clean sink and rearrange the staples cupboard so that the new groceries fit properly. Really, this life is glamorous, can’t you tell?

4pm—Sit down to read on the sofa in the living room.

5:15pm—Husband texts to say that he’s on the bus home from work. Start dinner.

5:45pm—Husband returns from work. Sit down to have dinner. Spend rest of evening watching Dollhouse, doing dishes, reading and drinking tea.

11pm—Sleep!